Failure is Part of It

There’s a scripture I’ve been meditating on for the past year or so.

It’s found in Acts 16:16-34 – when Paul and Silas are jailed in Philipi, for causing a riot. And by riot, I mean, for preaching the gospel and casting a demon out of a servant girl.

My biggest challenge with that scripture rests in their behavior after being accused and subsequently jailed – for no wrongdoing.

These guys sing while they’re shackled.

It’s as if they were so convinced of their bigger mission that the circumstances of the world could not stop them.

What happens next remains nothing short of incredible, too. When the earthquake batters the prison and breaks their chains, they don’t run. The jailer fears for his life. But Paul stops him.

He saves the jailer’s life. Then proceeds to share the gospel with him. The jailer invites them to his home, and they share the gospel with his family. Then he baptizes them all.

What an incredible story, right?

Man Makes Plans and God Laughs

This story makes me uncomfortable about my own response to circumstances that are not part of my plans.

When things don’t go according to plan, that’s failure, right? But perhaps not for certain.

I think back to some of my big failures. They were earth-shattering.

Granted, some of those came when I was not living out my potential. Which presents another big challenge.

When we face personal failure and inevitably start pointing fingers, all too often, we’re the main person worth of blame. At least, that’s been my experience.

But what about deviations from the plan when we are living out our potential? (Or at least making our best attempt to do so, given what limited knowledge we have.)

Meditating on Worst Case Scenarios

From time to time, I enjoy contemplating worst case scenario outcomes. It challenges me to evaluate my own intestinal fortitude, if you will. But facing the worst also brings me peace.

“Could I survive that?”

“How would I react?”

“Am I strong enough to endure that?”

…I wonder.

I like this exercise, though, because it allows me to explore just how uncomfortable a situation might be in advance – then contemplate what steps I could take to prevent sure disaster.

Separately, facing the worst case scenario and mentally enduring the struggle, enables me to make peace with my fate – recognizing every outcome less bad than that as a victory, in a sense.

Inevitable Failure

A final word on this topic, failure.

It is inevitable.

We all fail. But the good news is, we get to choose our battles.

It’s comforting to pretend that we can avoid failure altogether, if only we just play it safe enough. But that’s wrong. Dead wrong.

We will fail. Even if only in our own eyes – by failing to try.

What’s much more useful than attempting to avoid failure, then, is dedicating ourselves to fighting the battles that matter most to us.

That way when we fail, at least we can do so with the dignity of self-respect.

Money Advice for My Younger Self

If I could go back in time and do it all over again with everything I know now, I’d make one helluva 17-year-old.

There’s no question. I’d be at least 10x more successful. Richer. Stronger. Healthier. Better looking. And blah blah blah blah blah.

Of course, I probably wouldn’t appreciate all the knowledge I’ve gained the hard way. Nothing leaves the lasting boot imprint of wisdom quite like the lessons learned from life delivering a good ass-kicking.

Still, it’s fun to think about. If for no other reason to avoid the folly of my own mistakes again. Naturally, by sharing, I hope somebody can get something useful from it without having to experiencing the same setbacks.

A Few Money Tips for 17-Year-Old Me

If I was 17 again, I’d have spent more time brushing up on my own financial literacy. Obviously you don’t know what you don’t know. But I knew approximately jack shit about personal finance coming out of high school. That was a hindrance.

Beyond learning, I’d also lay a strong(er) foundation.

TIP NUMBER 1: I would have held down a job from as early as I could land one. Everybody is a bit happier, more confident, better version of themselves when they have a little jingle in their pocket. But it’s also a good prescription for keeping the right mindset: that we’ve all got to earn our own way.

TIP NUMBER 2: I would’ve set out to become financially independent as soon as possible. I would have cut the proverbial umbilical cord, so to speak, much sooner. You can’t grow up when you’re living in a state of dependency. (Sorry mom and dad. I wish I would’ve learned that one sooner.)

TIP NUMBER 3: I’d have saved at least $1,000 into an emergency fund. This would’ve helped me navigate the unexpected expenses that pop up. Without a ton of anxiety, or forcing me to sell off a kidney every time I needed a spare buck. 😉

TIP NUMBER 4: I would not have gone to college. At least, if I did, I would’ve spent even more time working, making money, and attempting to learn useful skills. I definitely would’ve spent even more time reading during this span of my life (and probably a bit less time being a dip shit).

TIP NUMBER 5: I would’ve aimed to save $100,000 before making any major investments. Knowing what I know now, if I’d have realized the power of leverage at a much younger age, this would’ve been huge. It would’ve set me up to have much more optionality – to change jobs, start businesses, travel, or spend my time however I wanted. AND – it would’ve been hard as hell. So the discipline I would’ve needed to develop to do this would have laid a strong foundation of good money habits much earlier.

TIP NUMBER 6: I’d have bought a house and rented it out to cover my own living expenses + generate some income. This is, of course, easier when you’re holding down a job and have some liquid savings. But it’s also a strong financial move in the early innings. Even if you decide to move, you can hire a property manager to keep it fully rented, cover your mortgage, and keep an income-generating asset.

TIP NUMBER 7: I’d have deliberately sought out apprenticeships sooner. Rather than just “jobs” I would’ve pursued opportunities that allowed me to pursue my interested. I’ll pat myself on the back a bit here because I made some very solid moves here between ages 19-25. But I would’ve doubled down on this.

TIP NUMBER 8: I would’ve aimed for clarity rather than credentials. I spent 7-8 years out of high school spinning my wheels. I allowed inertia to carry me through those years. That period truly felt like a waiting game. If I could go back, I would deliberately set out to try more things and cross more options off the list sooner – with the goal to find one or two “career targets” to aim at.

TIP NUMBER 9: I would have prioritized relationships more. Especially with my parents. There were a few years there when I was first getting started that money became a hindrance for going home for holidays or visiting more often. I can always make more money. But I won’t ever get that time back.

TIP NUMBER 10: In the interest of rounding out this list with 10, rather than 9 (because what kind of psycho makes a list of “9 Tips’), here’s one more. I would’ve challenged conventional wisdom more. Instead of listening to the experts, I would’ve investigated more for myself. I would’ve read more books, interviewed more people, and tried more things. Especially as it relates to money. (For instance, I never would’ve started throwing money into “qualified retirement plans” and instead prioritized control and liquidity.)

This is just a small part of a bigger thought experiment I’ve been working on. It’s already been a lot of fun, too.

We would all probably be better off if we could go back and do things over with wisdom we have now.

But that’s the fun of life, right? Trying to navigate through it all with incomplete information.

Design the World Around Your Ideas, Not Your Ideas Around the World

A common point of frustration I encounter involves coming to odds with the world around me (and other people in it).

When I was younger, this was often a function of assuming someone else should respond a certain way – of expecting other people to respond the way I would things.

Eventually, I learned a better strategy is to assume people experience the world differently than I do.

As I’ve aged, I’ve come face to face with a similar challenge. Not only with people, but with tools, experiences, rules, institutions.

The frustration usually occurs when someone or something claims, “That’s not the way this works,” or “That’s not the intended use of XYZ.”

I encounter these “invisible” obstacles often.

Usually it’s the function of someone who’s a stickler for tradition or rules. Real letter-of-the-law types, who can’t see past dried ink to the spirit of things.

Anyway, whenever I was younger, I often felt the temptation to change myself when I encountered obstacles. As if I needed to mold myself to the world around me, to become a more amicable, compliant, and likable person.

But now I recognize the error of my youthful thinking.

We do not improve our world when we accept things as they are. Occasionally, when we find ourselves up against immovable object, we’ve got to become an unstoppable force.

What’s the alternative, anyway? Living out a life of frustration?

I say no to that.

I’d rather create the world I want than force myself to settle for a world that is less than it could be.

Whenever I encounter obstacles now, I try to turn the tables. Instead of asking questions like, “How does it work?” I like to ask, “Could it work this way?”

Sometimes when you read the user’s manuals of life, all you can hope to find is a set of instructions for intended use. Which offers a limited view.

If you can learn to look at the world through a lens of possibilities, everything opens up.

This is especially relevant when learning new things.

Maybe we do have to learn new things along a specific domain before we can apply them others. Like learning the alphabet before we can learn to write a novel or deliver a keynote.

But the real use of our ideas lies in our ability to move beyond specific, limiting domains – and instead learn to shape the world according to what could be.

That’s the world I want to live in.

Be Attentive to the Opponents You Set Out to Defeat

I dreamed a strange dream last night. What’s even stranger, perhaps, is that I woke up in the middle of the night and the first thing that came to mind was a possible interpretation.

In attempt to extract the meaning, I’ll share it here.

I was sitting in a lawn chair in a backyard surrounded by family and friends at a celebration of sorts. In one hand I held a glass of wine and in the other a garden hoe – prepared to ward off snakes that had been spotted.

The first snakes I encountered were small. Easy to exterminate with one hand and a swift swing of the rake. But with each snake I addressed, the subsequent snakes grew larger and faster. Eventually, a rather large and swift snake appeared. As I swung at it one-handed, it lunged at me forcing retreat. I realized I stood no chance against my foe while defending myself one-handed.

There are a couple layers of meaning I’d like to address.

First, let’s talk about snakes – the opponents of your friends and family, threats to your way of life, enemies which would devour you, challenges which may poison us if left unaddressed.

I’m choosing the word opponent here, because it’s the word that woke me up last night. I don’t mean competitor as people we’re attempting to beat at some contest. The word opponent stood out to me vividly in my half-sleep state as ‘the problems which we choose to wage war against.’

Those challenges could be anything – from small personal development challenges to large cultural issues. Anything from attempting to get better with money or relationships to attempting to resist totalitarianism.

Threats that start small may grow in size if not entirely eliminated, or left unaddressed. This is my takeaway about the increasing size and speed of snakes.

If you don’t address issues, they grow into more formidable opponents.

Ok, so here’s the big one – the issue of fighting one-handed.

I’ve been thinking a lot about symbology lately. Earlier this year, I finished Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules of Living and Beyond Order. Now I’m reading Maps of Meaning. So I’ve spent a fair amount of time recently thinking about the “snakes” (primordial threats) that lurk around the corners, and extracting meaning from our every day stories. Not to mention thinking generally about “rules for living”.

The issue of fighting one-handed is something I’ve been dwelling on lately. Not in those specific terms. But it’s come up in attempts to improve my own life, and in conversations with others who are trying to make progress along a certain dimension.

A common theme I’ve encountered is how ineffective “we” (humans, generally speaking), tend to be at making progress in our own lives when we don’t take the problems we’re attempting to solve seriously enough.

Your opponent becomes more dangerous when you don’t respect it.

Take any big or small issue in your life. When you shirk things off altogether, or only make half-assed attempts to set the world in order, resolution evades you.

The only effective way to meet your opponents on the battle field is with your full attention and full proclivities in tact.

If you want to protect your garden, don’t fight snakes one-handed.

Holding True To Your Highest Aim

There’s a concept called apical dominance that I find fascinating.

Basically, it describes how the main stem of a tree or plant take precedence over branches. In other words, resources flow primarily to the main shoot – even at the expense of lesser branches.

This is why many trees wear a crown that comes to a point. Almost like they’re aimed upward toward God in their growth patterns.

It’s also why you see a lot of gnarly trees develop . When there’s an offshoot from the main trunk, resources don’t flow properly to one primary branch system. Instead, the resources are divided as the multiple branch system compete for dominance. (At least according to my non-scientific understanding.)

Anyway, the reason I find this so fascinating has to do with its direct application to our own lives.

We all have our own priorities. But keeping those priorities ordered requires a certain measure of attention and resources.

It almost makes me wonder if much of our own suffering results from a lack of an apical dominant ordering to our own lives and priorities.

In other words, I wonder if we struggle most when we don’t have our lives centered toward one highest aim.

When we allow multiple priorities to compete for our highest, best resources, maybe we’re fighting against the natural order of things.

I wonder, still, what life might look like when one aim – our highest, possible aim – becomes the dominant force in our lives.

What happens when we orient our lives around one primary aim rather than trying to juggle everything?

Like the trees, it appears it’s still possible to have a primary aim and secondary aims (our branches, if you will).

And the trees that grow tallest seems to embrace this – if for no other reason than by design or adaptation.

Maybe we can learn a thing or two from the trees. At least, if we ever allow ourselves to slow down enough to contemplate them.

How To Detect When You’re On the Proper Path

Us humans are such whores for certainty.

It’s disgustingly, really. Always wanting proof and guarantees.

But the fact of the matter is that rarely do we ever have all the information we need to move throughout life with certainty.

And that’s the gamble of life. If you’re lucky, you learn to live with it. Or, you don’t – and you spend your life afraid. (I know which camp I prefer. Do you?)

Still, life is long as is the journey ahead. It’s unrealistic to expect yourself to travel too far down a path – especially a treacherous one – without mile markers of validation.

Just ask yourself. How far are you willing to travel down a road if you’re uncertain you’re headed in the proper direction?

I know my answer. Even my pride can’t conceal the truth about the uneasiness that lurks in uncharted territory.

When you start down a new path, you will have doubts. Period. That’s your amygdala in your big ol’ oversized ape brain warning you about your own impending doom. “Get back to the heard!” It cries out to you. “It’s safer there!”

So how can you expect to advance knowing full well you’ll never have complete information – that you’ll always lack perfect certainty?

Honestly, I don’t have the answers. You could pray about it. Meditate on it. Or drive yourself mad questioning your decisions (which does not sound like fun).

Or you could stay alert for signs. This is my best recommendation.

If you’re like me, an over-analytical muckety-muck who loves perfect spreadsheet models and contingency plans, then I have bad news. You’re going to be uncomfortable – a lot. If you want to maintain your sanity, get out of your own head.

Models don’t contain the answers you’re looking for. Indicators of success are often less concrete than we expect them to be. They tend to be more “mystical” in nature. For several reasons.

One, when you lack complete information, your brain begins to run simulations in your subconscious. It needs to work things out. Your psyche needs justifications for your actions. When it lacks this, you lose your tether to reality and go crazy.

Two, as your brain searches for explanations, if you allow yourself to, you’ll begin to project meaning onto things outside yourself.

That strange combination of searching for answers and endowing our own experiences with meaning enables us to validate the reality we’ve chosen to manifest.

I’ll share a couple examples from my own life.

Earlier this year, my wife and I moved back across the country to Oklahoma – where we grew up and our families still live. We never expected to move back, let alone want to.

But we’d been attempting to solve several problems in our own lives:

  1. Cities are no longer desirable places to live.
  2. We missed being so far away from family (especially as we think about the future and kids).
  3. We enjoy traveling, but try to juggle visiting our family and taking time for ourselves (which was becoming a regular game of tradeoffs).
  4. Property value in high-population density areas has been skyrocketing far beyond actual market values.
  5. And many more.

At some point, out of the blue, the idea of moving back home overtook me. I cannot explain it. But it became obvious this was what we were supposed to do. To boot, it offered a solution to all of the problems I was attempting to solve.

Once we finally committed to the plan, I felt a sense of peace I’ve not felt in years. I could attempt to explain it away as resolution. But it’s more than that. It was an almost overwhelming sense of being in the right place at the right time.

Then, only a couple months after we made the move, my dad had a heart attack.

Rather than 800 miles, I was only 8 minutes away. Which enabled me to go spend the day with him in the hospital.

I cannot imagine anywhere else I would’ve rather been at that moment. But the revelation of it all almost brought me to tears. I’m dead serious.

I only share this to illustrate the power of signals beyond our intellect – and to assure you those signals are present. They’re all around us. Waiting to be detected. Especially when you’re uncertain about the path you’re on.

Even if you’re not a person of faith, hopefully you can understand that beyond the limits of our own understanding, there is much going on (even inside our own heads).

Whether you call it God, or your unknown self, or your Ego, or your Muse, or something else entirely, acknowledging this “divine frequency” exists will unlock the world around you.

It’s difficult enough to blaze your own trail without constantly beating yourself up over whether you’re doing the right thing or not.

Searching for signals has worked for me. (Even if you believe they’re self-concocted.) These signals give us a story to buy into. And sometimes all us shit-for-brains humans need is a good story.

Tips for Living Out Your Values in Unprecedented Times

Okay, so let’s just get it out in the open. I hate the phrase “unprecedented times”.

We’ve always been in unprecedented times. There’s never been a set of circumstances identical to the ones we live in now.

So it’s about as shit an excuse as any to drone bomb the bejesus out of personal freedoms and sacred traditions.

Whew. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, where was I? Oh. Right. How can you live out your values in times like these?

Well, it ain’t easy. That’s the truth. It’s never been easy to live out your values. Not even if you’re evil. Because you’ll always meet resistance.

And the key to living out your values is planning for resistant.

We’re all great at living out our values when they’re uncontested. But it’s when the rubber meets the road – when it really counts – that’s when fit hits the shan.

Planning for the hard times in advance is the key to holding true when things aren’t easy. Let’s start with a simple example to illustrate.

A couple months ago I tried the “Whole30” diet. I’m not big on diets, but I am big on intentional living. This was a deliberate experiment to explore the relationship between what I eat, my energy levels, and mood. So for 30 days I basically cut out all processed sugar and grains.

And the results were, I felt great. But it was not without its battles.

The battle had less to do with temptation to stray and more to do with preparedness, as I learned about 3 days in.

Midway into the first week, I kept getting hungry in the afternoons. I meal prepped for every breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I forgot about snacks. So when hunger struck and I only had shit food around, I started waffling about sticking to the plan.

TLDR; I had every intention of avoiding certain kind of foods. But I set myself up for failure by not preparing for when I got hungry. I held out against the urges, and planned better for the following weeks.

In a nutshell, that’s the key to living out your values in hard times.

You’ve got to prepare for the hard times in advance. And honestly, you’d be stupid not to. It’s inevitable that we’re going to meet resistance. So it behooves us to plan for it.

No, we’re incapable of planning for everything. But that doesn’t mean we can’t set ourselves up to be less likely to fail.

Here are a few tangible examples of what I mean.

You’re setting yourself up to fail living out your values if you’re not financially secure.

If you’re living paycheck to paycheck, then you have almost zero leverage. In fact, worse, everybody else has leverage over you.

Your employer controls your purse strings. As does the government. And your credit card company. And any other lender you owe money to.

Don’t put yourself in this position. Even if you’re not completely debt free. At least build up 3-6 months of cash reserves so you can afford to tell a boss and the government to go to hell when they do something insidious – like force you to undergo an experimental medical procedure or lose your job.

If you’re dependent on your employer to pay your bills, then the house of cards is just waiting to tumble down.

If you don’t want to fall into the Grand Canyon, then don’t go to Arizona.

About the only thing useful I took away from a professor in college is that quote. I think it’s fabulous advice.

If you want to avoid certain doom at a specific thing, then don’t put yourself in the position to do it.

In the lecture he introduced this concept, he was referring to a friend who was about to get married. His friend said something like, “I hope I never cheat on my wife.” To which, he told his friend he was an idiot (allegedly). But he made the point, “You can’t wait until you’re drunk sitting in a hot tub full of half-naked girls who aren’t your wife to start praying you’ll be faithful.”

Part of living out your values means anticipating and preparing for situations that put you in jeopardy. But another huge part means avoiding situations where you knowingly and willfully put yourself in jeopardy to begin with!

Accept responsibility for your fate.

This is the big one. It’s on you. It’s always been on you.

You can look around for cues from others about how you should live. Or you can use your noggin’ to figure it out what matters.

But it really doesn’t matter what set of values you claim to have.

All that matters is whether or not YOU are willing to hold the line. You probably won’t die for somebody else’s values. Hell, you may not even die for your own.

But the nifty thing is, it’s on you to decide. And you’re the one who has to live with the consequences of your decisions – good or bad.

Why Is It Difficult For A Rich Man To Enter the Kingdom of Heaven?

There’s much ado about money being the root of all evil. It would seem especially so among those who haven’t earned it.

Behind veils of envy, I imagine, those of lesser means point to those of great means, scoffing. “You know what they say about rich men and heaven, right?”

But I seriously doubt the acquisition of wealth itself has anything to do with entering the kingdom of heaven. That it likely has much more to do with our relationship to money.

For instance, there’s a startling similarity between people who are consumed with money – whether they have it or not.

Money is simply a medium of exchange (especially fiat money). Its value is predicated on a shared superstition. We hope others will value money along a similar scale, should we present them with it in exchange for something else we desire.

Obsessing over money as a primary end is a distraction. When it comes to the Kingdom of Heaven, apparently it can be a fatal distraction.

But why?

I imagine it has less to do with money and much more to do with idolatry. People have always enjoyed fashioning gods out of gold. Especially when God’s voice seems distant, or absent altogether.

It’s unfortunate that many people likely read scripture about money and become jaded. “Well I’ll just swear off money altogether since it’s evil!”

Ok, sure. I bet you will.

Swearing off money is easy if you have nothing valuable to offer the world. But it’s much harder if you want to be valuable. Because money follows value.

So, let’s imagine, then, that God has called His people to become the highest, best versions of themselves. To truly embrace what John Piper calls “Christian Hedonism” – to lose ourselves in the pursuit of the pleasure we find by pleasing God.

What then should we do if God’s highest calling leads us to become valuable to other people? If we’re rewarded handsomely for leaving the world better than we found it, what are we to do?

I believe the root of the matter has less to do with material wealth than with spiritual health.

Perhaps your pursuit of what is meaningful requires vast sums of money. So be it. Why should you be cheated out of salvation? Especially considering the difficulty in acquiring vast sums of money.

Perhaps your pursuit of what is meaningful requires enduring suffering? So be it. Why should your struggle be any more or less noble than the pursuit of what is meaningful along another dimension?

It’s a rather Marxist reduction to suppose God wants us to obsess over all things according to their economic utility.

We are called to our own battlefields. It’s our response to the call that matters. Plenty of people ignore the rooster’s crow. Some due to money. Some out of lust. Others for the sake of power.

But money is no more or less evil than anything else that we fashion into false gods. It would serve us well to remember that.

Where Have All the Strong Men Gone?

It’s a scary world out there right now.

Everywhere you look there’s a major threat to our traditional way of life lurking at the doorstep.

But rest assured, whatever threats exist, there is a remedy.

It’s not more government. Or bigger government.

It’s not more activism. Or louder shouting and more rioting in the streets.

It’s not more stimulus checks. Or allowing The Federal Reserve to print more money.

The solution to most of the woes in our world rests in taking massive personal responsibility.

The world needs more self-reliance. Most notably, the world needs more self-reliant men to stand up.

Masculinity has been under attack for quite some time – and all of the characteristics that go with it. But doing away with masculinity altogether is not a useful solution.

When you throw the baby out with the bathwater, you also lose out on the redeeming qualities.

And such is the state of the world we’re in today. Where men – and the very essence of manhood – has been attacked, scapegoated, and vilified.

Today, there’s a whole generation of directionless young men. They’re hungry for an adventure – for a battle to fight – for a purpose.

This aimlessness is a direct result of society’s attempt to euthanize manliness.

In classrooms all across the country, little boys are forced to sit still for 8 hours per day, and sent to detention (or expelled) when they get too rowdy during recess.

In homes across the country, neglectful parents reprimand their sons for failing to follow all the rules. Or when neglectful parents choose to medicate developing minds into submission.

At churches little boys are taught about a blue-eyed kind-hearted Savior.

We’re desperate to forget that a carpenter with rugged hands and emaciated flesh carried his cross to Calvary.

We fear the Lion of Judah. So we replaced Him with a gentle little lamb. Or with nihilism. But both exasperate the problems.

It’s time for men to pick up their crosses. To embrace the better angels of their nature – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

To accept their responsibility for their own lives. Their fates. Their families.

Approaching 30

I turn 30 later this month.

Which is a weird feeling – retiring from my 20s. The past decade was a harsh teacher. Especially the first half.

Over the past 10 years, my life has taken quite a few twists and turns from what I originally expected.

By most accounts from my teenage and early-20s something, I’m a failure. I did not – nor am I on my way to becoming – a pediatric neurosurgeon. Nor a corporate finance attorney.

I’m on quite a different path. A path I didn’t know existed a decade ago.

Where my life and career are not a function of expectations – or a false sense of obligation. Rather, I have agency over the design of both. Which is freeing. But also comes at a high cost.

The weight I carry today somehow feels lighter and heavier than the weight I carried a decade ago.

Part of that is the sheer challenge of attempting to build a life and career on my own terms – rather than opting for the conveyor belt, assembly line version most people settle for.

Another part is the weight of responsibility. Which is probably the starkest contrast between who (and what) I am today compared to who (and what) I was 10 years ago.

The Big “R” Word.

It’s easy to shirk off responsibility for everything that happens to you when you don’t have a purpose in life.

That was me entering my 20s. Somebody who liked to point fingers. And play the victim card all too often. Even though I fancied myself as someone ambitious, assertive, and self-reliant.

But I wasn’t really. Defaulting to the traditional path as a plan for my life stole my agency from me. It freed me from the burden of critical thinking about what to do with my life – and more importantly, who I should become.

As I approach 30, I recognize many of the errors of my youth. Some are quite embarrassing. Even if useful lessons.

I also recognize the opportunity of the present – and my responsibility for whatever time I have left. To make more of myself than I was yesterday. More of myself than I was a decade ago. And more of myself tomorrow than I am today.

After all, what hope do we have in growing old if not that we’re getting better with time?